Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Has It Really Been That Long?

I took a mental health day today and decided to clean out some things on my computer. While I was at it, I decided to take a look at my blog. And it hit me that I'd given up on this thing over two years ago.

I'm not really sure why. Mostly because I'd become disillusioned with kink, social media and especially internet sex positivity. The internet had gotten angry, and me along with it. When that happened, it was time to take a break.

I also stopped writing because I didn't want Septimus to feel like I was reviewing his performance as a boyfriend anymore. Despite the fact that I wrote to get the crap out of my head, and it wasn't usually a reflection of him, our life together became more important than sharing my confusion with the world.

But two years is a long time and a lot of changes have been made.

I'm not a fan of twitter. I gave that up around the same time I realized that the public outrage of the day was just too much to deal with with the really limited time I had on the internet. I've found Pinterest and while I'm not pinning kinky pictures, I have found creating things more conducive to mental health than tearing them down.

In the last two years, I've decided that anything or anyone that doesn't add value to my life is gone. I've lost a couple of friends that way, but the net value to my own life has exponentially increased. I no longer worry about saying something, expressing an idea or opinion, or even saying something truly un-PC, because the people I've kept around me are those that don't ask me to cater to their delicate sensibility flowers. I kind of like that.

Also, in the last two years, Septimus and I have talked about aspects of our relationship that still have a way to go to play out. We've delved into him having other play partners, finding another girlfriend and taking our first baby steps into some sort of poly-ish kind of relationship.  I'm not sure where that's going, we're both kind of lazy about it. Well, not exactly lazy- just not really making it a "thing".

We've started playing with rope again. That makes me incredibly happy. I'm not really sure if he understands exactly HOW happy- he gets kind of icked out when I get too googly about feelings.

I'm still not sure where this blog is going to go. Or even if I'll pick it back up again for good. But for now, it feels good to write again, even a little.