Friday, January 6, 2012

Trash Talking Squirrels

When I moved in with Septimus a couple of years ago, we negoitated division of tasks. I explained that I would be happy to do the dishes, the laundry, the shopping, and almost anything else that needed to get done. But I told him that the one thing I didn’t do was taking out the trash to the curb on trashday. Usually I’m dressed in my work clothes and getting dirty at 6 am isn’t my idea of fun. We do have a woman who comes in to do the floors and bathrooms- as Septimus fondly puts it “nothing kills a relationship faster than arguing over who cleans the toilets”.

For the most part, he’s done an admirable job at keeping that end of the bargain (and yes, he has done dishes and laundry too). But as to the trash- sometimes he’ll ask me for help if it’s a particularly heavy recycling week, and sometimes I just stick around and help him because it’ll get done faster (not to mention that I always get a really awesome kiss and snuggle before getting into the car to drive to work). Sometimes though, I let him sleep and just do it myself. Especially if he’s had a late night. Especially more if he’s sleeping soundly and peacefully (he really is adorable when he’s sleeping).

What does this have to do with D/s? Nothing really. Except that not everything in a relationship (even one BASED on D/s) is written in stone. And nothing except that sometimes, taking out the garbage once in a while, dressed in work clothes, and letting your boyfriend sleep, even though it’s “his job” is just one small thing I do to show him that I really do want to make his life easier.

A partnership isn’t always about clear divisions. One based on a power exchange relationship even more so. Lines get fuzzy, things have to get done, people have personalities, needs, desires and responsibilities. Not everything in a D/s relationship fits neatly into the box. Being flexible and having a relationship outside of that box is absolutely necessary. It never has to be an all or nothing proposition in D/s. As long as you have a connection to it, it’s existence can be subtle and therefore seamlessly merged into a relationship.

When I think about taking out the trash and how that fairly mundane chore, which I dislike doing enormously, is a metaphor for the give and take that can happen even when He Is The Dom, it makes me laugh. It’s the little things, those mundane tasks, those private jokes, and those small thoughts that we have about each other, that connect us so that when we do have to spend time living outside of that box, we remember that it’s always a place we can go back to.

This morning, while I got ready for work, and he took the trash to the curb, I got my own reminder that he also thinks of the small things and does silly things to make me smile. My windshield was obviously defaced by a deranged squirrel with an odd symmetry fetish. Good thing I love deranged squirrels who take out the trash for me, huh?

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