Thursday, March 31, 2011

Relaxation and Rolling Pins

For this week’s assignment at the Kink Academy, I thought I’d try something a little fun.

I have a toy bag that I’ve been putting together for many years. Whenever I’d show it to people, they usually smile, giggle, and sometimes even scoff. My toybag consists of 99% sensation toys. Not the sensation that is caused by whips, floggers and paddles. But the sensation caused by feathers, brushes and scratchy things.

In the two years that I’ve been with Septimus, we’ve never played with my box of evil implements (I use that name because of the aforementioned scoffing). He’d asked me a while back why we’d never done that. I told him that he’d never really given me an indication that he’d be interested. But I figured that THAT was time to change.

I searched for videos on Kink Academy specifically about sensation play. I wanted to try to incorporate that into trying to help Septimus relax after a couple of really frazzled days.

Read the rest...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love Letters

A couple of months ago, I decided to take a break blogging about Daddy and me with too much specificity. It was beginning to drag us both down. I was focusing on how hard things were. He was reading the posts with growing uneasiness. Sort of like a theater producer waiting for the next morning reviews. And like a lot of plays- sometimes they weren't so good.

As I've thought back over the past weeks I realized something important.

By focusing on what wasn't working as well as I'd have liked them to, I missed all of those things that were working out pretty damned good. By trying to work through things, understand things, figure things out, and by blogging about it all, I was missing all the things that didn't need work.

I missed that we still date each other. We go out to dinner at fairly frequent intervals and spend time together, flirting with each other (and usually the waitstaff). Away from the house. Away from phones (mostly) and work and family. Just us. We also seem to reconnect so well on those date nights, I wonder why I missed their value.

I missed the simple enjoyment of sleeping in a little later than normal, snuggling next to each other. With his arms around me and my head on his shoulder. I'd not realized that all those Saturday morning errands can indeed wait an hour or two. He's not expecting things to get done to a particular schedule. And the schnoodling is more important.

I missed the normal activity of eating dinner together. This is one he insists upon. I'd be perfectly happy with a bowl of cereal in front of the computer for dinner. But even without the boy with us, he insists that, if we're home together, we eat together. It's unusual for me. But it does give us a chance to talk and laugh and catch up on the day. Even if sometimes it's catching up over a pizza.

I missed that there's rarely a day that goes by when he doesn't pop in on the computer to say hello. We don't have a lot of time to chat during the day, but just knowing that we're "close by" with an open chat window, sometimes makes the difference when one of us is having a hard day.

I missed how he always smiles when he sees me. As if his brain tells him that there's someone there now who will take care of him for a little while. Some days, it's like a great big sigh of relief that I can feel from him, simply by touching his shoulders and bringing him a drink.

I missed how I feel when I'm finally home after I've had a hugely trying day. A long commute, or when I'm frazzled by all those twigs in my camel's back. He's not always able to remove a few of them, but just talking to him oftentimes lets me prioritize things a little better.

I missed how much we enjoyed just talking with each other. Making up silly stories, telling each other about our lives, whispering words that would make some people blush (or conversely make some really jealous). Using each others biggest sexual organ (the brain you pervs) in ways that I've certainly never experienced before. Learning to talk with each other is much more difficult than I'd imagined, but the reward has been infinitely worth every hard won moment. We sometimes can speak without words, knowing from time together what each of us may need at the moment.

I missed how careful, attentive, giving and playful he is when we play. I missed that by taking things slowly, we learned about each other. We learned to trust and we learned to understand each others needs.

I missed how he's attuned to my moods. He pays far more attention to them than I do. And as a result, he's usually (more often than not) correct about them. I really hate to admit that on the rare times he misreads me, he's not usually that far away. If it was horseshoes, he'd miss a ringer, but still get a point. Having someone who knows what you're feeling is a little unsettling. Especially if you want to be alone with your thoughts. But on the plus side, he's also ready with a martini.

I missed how he thanks me for everything. Even the things that I don't think are even noticeable. He thanks me for them all. And despite everything else, this is the one that oddly enough makes me feel like a heel.

You see, I know that I don't thank him often enough for the things he gives to me. His attention. His support. His cajoling and pushing. His love.

So, maybe I'll write a little bit more about that. How he deserves better, but still seems pretty satisfied with just me.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Give Me Strength, Not Crocs




One of the best things that has happened to me in the past few years, is that I have met many wonderful women in the kink world. Women who are empowered in their kink, not ashamed of their submissiveness, independent, strong and self-assured. These women have given me a whole new outlook on what I wanted in my own life. They’ve made me think.

None of these women have made me think as much as Mollena Williams. As anyone who has read my blog, my tweets or who has attended any of my classes, I have praised Mollena’s wisdom, humor and humility many times. Her style is easy-going, informative, and always full of personal examples. As I looked around at the videos at the Kink Academy, I’d wondered why Mollena wasn’t in the lineup. She is, after all, in my opinion, one of the best voices for kinky women I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. So I was especially glad when I saw her video posted.

Read more.....

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

More Dirty Talk

Dirty talk has never been easy for me. I’ve written about it several times in the past, and constantly work on incorporating it in those sexy fun times. I’ve never gotten it quite right with any consistency. Sometimes I accidentally hit on the right tone and tenor, but most times I struggle with it. And because I struggle, I turned to the Kink Academy for some help.

Read more....

The Truth About Kinky Women

Sometimes people just say the exact right thing. FAR better than I could have ever said it. Ordinarily, I'd be a bit jealous of someone who writes this well, who can put into words that which I usually struggle with. If I even bother. You see, many times when "those guys" post on Fetlife, I don't bother helping them. I used to. But not anymore. There are just too many wankers.

But in this case, I'll just repost a response to a thread on Fetlife by Septimus. Sadly, the thread was deleted by the original poster, but you can read Septimus' post on his own blog. As I read it (the first couple of dozen times) I smiled and thought to myself- I'm lucky to have such a wonderful guy in my life. He gets it.

The Truth About Kinky Women-
by Septimus
You want to meet a girl that you can explore your kinky side with. That's wonderful.

Let me ask you something:

* Do you go on match.com or OKcupid with a profile that says "I'm a guy. I'm looking for a girl. If you're a girl or know a girl, would you send her to me please?"
* Suppose you're into stamp collecting. Do you go into stamp-collecting forums and say "I'm a guy who thinks he may like stamp collecting, and I'm looking for a girl to fuck and teach me about stamp collecting."?
* Do you see a girl at Starbucks drinking coffee and say "Hey, I like coffee, too. Wanna fuck?"

Every time you post on here asking for people to "help you out," that's _exactly_ what you're doing.

You seem to think that just because a woman is into getting tied up, beaten, and fucked in the ass, she's somehow different from a "normal" woman. You seem to think that just because a woman likes to have sex, talk about sex, and sometimes be naked in front of people, she should want to do that with you. Without knowing anything at all about you except that you like women to get naked in front of you.

Submissives aren't submissive to everyone

You'll hear submissives say "I'm submissive, but I'm not _your_ submissive." No matter how many times you've read The Story of O, there is no chateau full of submissive women who are available on demand to anyone who wants to use them.

Kinky women are not whores

Some kinky women may like it when their partner calls them "whore," but they're not sex workers. They're not in the business of making sex of any sort available to all comers. (And contrary to popular belief, there is not a rule that actual sex workers have to accept whoever pays them.)

Kinky women are not easy

Some kinky women have multiple partners. Some women will do some sort of limited play with people they just met. As a rule most women will not get intimate with a guy they know nothing about. Kinky women are no different.

Kinky women are not objects

Sure, some women like being objectified, to be used as furniture, ashtrays, fuck toys, even toilets. But you know what? The women who like that _trust_ the people who do that to them, Do you know _why_ they trust them? Because they know them as people. They have connected as human beings before they connected as kinksters.

Kinky women have feelings

Do some kinky women want to be humiliated, degraded, hurt, and used? Absolutely. This may be hard to understand, but while they may want all those things, they want them in a supportive, trusting, and caring environment. You call my girlfriend a bitch, she'll kick you balls. I call her a bitch, and she melts in my arms. See the difference?

I love you Darling. I could SO melt right now :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Kink Academy: Unexpected Benefits of Covert Topping

As a brat, I’m quite familiar with unexpected consequences. Because I’m a brat, I deal with the consequences of my actions, even if I don’t see them coming, I love surprises, puzzles and conundrums. It’s also why predicament play is one of my favorite kinds of play. Lets face it- nothing is hotter than having a smart top. Except maybe having a smart bottom.

For my latest assignment at the Kink Academy, I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular. I just wanted to have some fun watching a few videos. Its not easy being a bottom to find things that I can incorporate into my play. At least without the participation of Septimus (ownership has it’s privileges). Or of one of my friends (being a guinea pig for a toppy bottom also has privileges). But when learning how to do things like flogging, caning, and serving, it’s difficult to apply them from my usual direction. I was a little lost about what I’d choose.

What I found was something unexpected. (Read More....)