WOW! It’s been a busy week for wankers everywhere! I’m not sure if it’s because of the holidays approaching, or if it’s because I’ve shed a light on a problem experienced by far too many people who are just itching for a little payback, but my inboxes were FULL of nominations for Wanker of the Week! Thanks everyone for sending the wankers my way (wait! did I really just say that?)
First, I wanted to update about MY Wanker. As you may know, I commented on a few pictures, called him out on his douchenozzlery, and generally made myself a pest. I didn’t *overtly* say anything *too* terrible, but I did call attention to his “golden rod” (which is now a fetish on Fetlife). He got angry, then he started calling other people names, then he sent my boyfriend a threatening message:
"YOUR SLAVE IS A REAL SLUT . SHE WILL LEARN THE HARD WAY SHE SHOULD NOT TALK TO TOPS THE WAY SHE DOES. SHE IS LUCKY SHE IS THERE AND NOT IN CHICAGO."
Septimus asked me what I thought. My first inclination was to ignore it. But we figured, if someone makes a threat, the least we can do is let Fetlife know. WTF? Dude? What did you THINK was gonna happen when you sent those kinds of messages and never apologized to either of us for doing it?
I’ve narrowed down the Wanker of the Week nominees down to three. Based on the messages I’ve received from their nominators and a review of their profiles. One is from Facebook (which makes it a little harder because of the “friend” thing), and two are from Fetlife (which would be much better IMO if it HAD the “friend” thing). I’m not saying who nominated these guys, because as I’ve found out, “master-baiting” wankers results in a lot of unpleasantness.
I’ve also started seeing a trend in exactly WHO is doing the wanking. It’s far too early to post those results with such a small sampling, but a few things stand out.
A) The wankers generally are over the age of 40 and,
B) They either have no profile picture, stolen pictures, or the obligatory cockshot, and,
C) They have serious issues with spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
But enough about generalizations. Here’s the first nominees for Wanker of the Week, December 12, 2010:
First is bengal15
The nominator stated that his first message to her was "call me if you want to try black cok. there is a cok pic provided on the profile.”
And indeed, there IS a cok (sic) pick (or is that a sick cock pic?) on the profile! After looking at his profile, it’s apparent that he really LOVES pictures, going so far as to comment several times about what “we should do” or some such nonsense. Do guys really believe that this shit works?
Next up is Ahmad Alanizy (it’s a Facebook profile and closed, so sorry I won’t bother linking)
But the nominator sent me a copy of her FIRST contact with this guy (shortly after she friended him BTW)
Nominator: Judging by the timestamps on them I'm guessing he friended me at 5:36 pm. LOL
10 November at 05:37
do like be friends
10 November at 05:42
can i fuck you
10 November at 05:48
please show me your pussy
10 November at 08:55
Apparently, this wanker, not receiving a timely response to his absolutely charming overtures, resorted to the last bastion of wankerdoodles everywhere: insults.
This one was funny because I’m guessing that the wanker thought that everyone else was like him and LIVED on the internet, just waiting with “baited” (sic) breath for one of these guys to show up and give us a reason for owning a Hitachi.
Lastly, there is FrankAlbergo
Frank came onto my radar through a message sent to me asking me to look at a post he’d done on Fetlife: Ladys
This post basically blamed the victim for the behavior of the wanker. Enough said with this one. I can’t even find it in me to make a joke about this. But if this is what the wankers are thinking- that just because kinky girls are on the internet, that we’re somehow “asking” for it, then I’ll certainly have no problem calling them to task for this and practicing up on my CBT.
So that’s it tweeps. Send me your Vote for this weeks WOW winner. Tweet to me using the hashtag #wanker and I’ll tally the votes which will end on Sunday, December 12, 2010 at midnight, Boston time (that’s something different for you left coast folks).
And please, send me your Wanker nominees. My sample size right now matches their peens.