Monday, October 25, 2010

Seduction and D/s

Seduction - To beguile or lure someone away from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct. To lead astray; To entice or induce someone to engage in a sexual relationship; To win over or attract someone.

To lure, beguile and entice.

Read any book, blog or website offering advice on how to maintain a happy sexual relationship, and that word will show up eventually. From dressing in plastic wrap and meeting your man at the door to the right perfumes and lingerie to wear to the various methods of crossing your legs while wearing a skirt, much has been made in the way of how to accomplish seduction.

Seduction involves an element of uncertainty. It involves mental gymnastics, innuendo, whispers, touches and looks that are meant to make your toes tingle, unleash butterflies in your stomach, and leave your good sense behind. It is to be swept up in a longing and need that results in passion. It involves enticing someone into something that they might not even know they want, until faced with the choice of not having it at all. It’s temptation, it’s heart-thumping excitement; it’s a careful dance, it’s fear, it’s fire and it’s darned sexy. It is an art learned from the earliest age when a young girl first learns the power of the hair swoop over her shoulder and downward face, upward glance, or when a young man first learns the power behind looking into a girl’s eyes and speaking softly about what those eyes do to him. It’s power as an aphrodisiac. Power in yourself, your sexuality and in someone’s desire for you.

For me, seduction starts with words, with a smile, with a soft voice whispered in my ear (preferably in Spanish) and a touch on my bare shoulder. It does not start with him calling me his bitch, pushing me to my knees and telling me to suck his cock. As nice as that is sometimes.

During one of my thinks, shortly after Daddy had to jump out of bed to meet the boy somewhere, it occurred to me yesterday that one of the things that I miss in a D/s relationship is the element of seduction. When getting a blow job is a sure bet simply by pushing me to my knees and unzipping his pants, I began to wonder if seduction is even possible in a D/s relationship. Does negotiating around boundaries about what you won’t do remove the element of uncertainty that is necessary for seduction? Where is the motivation to lure, beguile and entice if you’ve already talked your way around nearly everything, or if there's little that you won't already do in the way of things typically thought of as needing seduction? If you know you’re gonna get a blow job whenever you’d like one simply because you own your girl, is there really any reason to seduce her?

And if you know that he can just push your face onto his cock and get that blow job, or worse yet, let you suck his cock because you ASKED to do it, is there really any motivation to try a seduction?

To me, seduction in a D/s relationship ranks right up there with a whole list of really silly things that seem to be fun to play around with, but which I have no real idea how they work in real life D/s. Begging. Talking Dirty. Seduction. The more I try to figure out how those things are applicable to a relationship where I beg because he asks for it (not necessarily because I want it); where I talk dirty as a matter of course, where seduction is a power that I try to have over the one who has the power, the more I wonder if I just need a whole new dictionary.

I also began to wonder if I’d lost something by negotiating, talking, discussing, and planning the parameters of my D/s relationship. Have I lost the uncertainty of what he’s going to want from me and the spontaneity of being taken over by my excitement in his enticement? Where exactly IS the lure? Especially when there’s very little in the way of “proper conduct” that I won’t voluntarily engage in? And especially when I know that there’s little chance of him turning me down for that blow job. For more than a few minutes anyway.

How do YOU put seduction into your D/s? I’m not talking romance- flowers and candlelight. I’m talking purely seducing your partner as a testament to your own power? Or shouldn’t good little submissives want to keep some of their seductive powers intact?

When you’re in a D/s relationship, talk about the conduct of that relationship in such a great detail, and do some pretty awful things with each other on a regular basis, is there really any room for the power of a seduction?

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CoyoteToo said...

I dont have any answers, although you've given me something to think about, because seduction is certainly not a thing I want to lose. Mainly I just wanted to say that you write beautifully. The paragraph describing seduction left me very tingly. Thank you for continuing to post these thought provoking entries.

Vala said...

Your blog has inspired me for a while now. I'm relatively new to the lifestyle and still trying things out, and your blog has helped me greatly in doing that as my situation is in many ways similar to yours (a brat and her Master ;))

As to the subject at hand..Seduction is something I've played around with for years, and enjoy thoroughly. And even now, although we're still building up the lifestyle, I keep it in our relationship. I enjoy being girly and playing around with make-up, clothes and the like...but also with bodylanguage. I will ask for his attention..not by asking..but by taunting for it. By slowing down my pace and bending over on the exact right moment to pick up something then turn my face and grin at him not so innocently and walk to the bedroom. I will put on my red lipstick (something he's mad for) slowely and confidently in front of him..knowing full well it will make him torn between kissing me and not ruining the look he loves so much, especially if we're about to go out, or we're actually sitting at the restaurant. Teasing in public makes it hard for him to take what he wants, for that matter, so I get to watch him be tortured and know that when we go home..I'll have to pay the price. Which I do..gladly ;)

My brattiness also comes from my much as I will listen to him if he demands something, I don't beg unless he makes me...I'll entice, seduce, allure and try to make *him* actually want to do things to me before I beg. I'll tease. It's my middle name. And in the's his call whether he calls my bluff, takes me up on it, or just outright ignores me :D

And he does the same. Because I do this to him, he'll make sure he tortures me before giving me what I want, knowing full well I won't plead for it unless he pushes me to the limit. He'll wear the cologne that makes me moan, just coz he loves having that effect on me. It wouldn't be the same to tell me to moan..that's a different powertrip. Telling me to do something becoz he wants it is one thing. Making me do something without him demanding it and seeing that I cannot help but comply...trips him even harder sometimes ;)

It's a different and softer dynamic and I find it very useful in our easing into the lifestyle to the harder stuff.

I will however think of this post when we are further along in the lifestyle as to make sure this dynamic doesn't die due to the reasons you mentionned, because you are right..when you can have all yo uwant..why bother seduce. I want to keep that in my relationship, so thank you for the warning.

And thank you, for all the wisdom in the pages here. I've learned so much from you :)

- Vala -