Monday, October 4, 2010

Discovering The People in Sex Blogging

New York City skyline with Empire State Building

I spent the past weekend in NY attending the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release party and the Kink Academy Open House. (PS: You really should buy a calendar, it’s for a good cause and the pictures will make you smile, especially Miss April)

I’d been looking forward to this weekend for months. But when Daddy told me shortly before it that he wasn’t going, my anticipation of a weekend with Daddy turned into just another anticipated disappointment. But he wanted me to go. So I went. With a bus ticket in hand, but without any sort of plan about just what the hell I’d do in NY alone, I had no idea that by the end of the weekend, my brain would be nearly exploding with everything I learned. So many people touched my life this weekend in so many different ways, that I can’t possibly thank everyone. But I’ll do my best ::wink::

First, I have to express my gratitude to @b_playful. Had he not let me crash with him in NY, I’d have not gone. He was already “full up” with @badbadgirlx and @girlmouse staying with him, and I felt like a beggar, imposing myself into the situation. However, I find nothing more lonely than being in a hotel room by myself, especially in a strange city, and his “home for wayward girls” felt like a safe place, full of laughter and warmth. A funny thing happened in that hotel room filled with makeup, shoes, clothing and rope. During this weekend, he became a friend. He became a real person behind his avatar. Whenever I think about this weekend, one of my favorite memories will be his sleepy head popping up from being buried between the pillows, with his charming smile and the twinkle in his eyes and telling the rest of us that we were up too damned early. I learned that there’s a real man, a hell of a guy, and a smart cookie behind the playfulness. Perhaps one of the best things I learned from him was while we were all talking and he stopped to ask me a “personal question”. It really wasn’t all that personal, and we all kind of chuckled at it. But it was a question about my “real life”, not my kinky one. At that moment, I realized that I was truly building a community around me. By talking about my “real life”, I was letting my kinky friends into a part of me that didn’t exist before. It didn’t feel like a risk, it felt like I could finally just be myself. I’ll never be able to repay his kindness to me this weekend. Maybe someday I’ll be able to pay it forward.

I also have to thank @debaucheddiva and @urban_gypsy. Time and time again whenever I run into these wonderfully smart and savvy women, I’m awed. Their passion for what they do is apparent. They’re beautiful, real women who just happen to be activists for a segment of society that often has no voice or whose voices are all too often overpowered by those who want to pretend that they don’t exist. It’s really hard to speak quietly, thoughtfully, and sanely when you’ve got people who only care to criticize, ridicule, and ignore. They always make me feel welcome, they allow me to ask questions, and I never feel stupid for having to learn everything. I’m taking my first baby steps into realizing that this is an area that needs smaller voices, just as surely as it needs Audacia Ray’s. Having breakfast with Diva and Tess, and walking on the streets of NYC with Diva, talking not about kink or sex, but about family, problems that were being experienced, and how the balance is sometimes difficult, they became more than their avatars and their blogs. And besides, not only that, Diva and Tess throw one hell of a party!

I have to also thank @Mollena. This is a weird one for me. I’ve been a huge fan of hers ever since I met her at Shibaricon a couple of years ago. I’ve read her blog and followed her antics on twitter and fetlife. I love a woman who also has questions and searches for the answers. I saw Mollena at the Kink Academy open house. She was sitting quietly, by herself, looking as beautiful as ever. And I didn’t want to intrude. But, being a fangirl, it’s almost impossible not to. I tried to temper my intrusion with trying to figure out how to say what I’d wanted to tell her for the past year. I finally had the chance to just talk to her. I asked her not about kink, but about how she felt being away from home so often. Her answer made me smile, but her face made me so sad. As much as she loves what she does, and as much as I’m grateful that she does it, I saw a woman who also misses making dinner for someone, sitting in her own livingroom with her feet up on the chair, and sleeping in her own bed with someone special. I don’t think she regrets her path, but in order to give to the community as much as someone like Mollena does, choices have to be made. I think I got a glimpse into the special person that Mo is. Not the personality, but the person.

And finally, I have to thank @badbadgirlx. She allowed me the privilege to explore a part of myself that I rarely allow out anymore. Being in a relationship with Daddy, that part of me is something that I put away a couple of years ago. It was a choice I made. I’m sure that she didn’t quite know what she’d gotten herself in for when she mentioned it, and I’m sure that she didn’t have really any idea that I could be like that. She was a good sport, a wonderful bottom and she is a dear friend. We shared a lot this weekend. It was odd to me, that two people who spend more time just tweeting at each other, who have only met in person a few times, could share all that we did. We trusted each other in different ways. I hope that she knows how much I value that friendship and trust. I can’t think of another woman I’ve met in the last 20 years, with whom I’ve shared that much of myself. She’s a special lady and a special friend.

I met some really wonderful twitterers. AliceSinAerie, InsomniasBitch, MaxLagos, Siniful, Pinkcheek45, urNaughtyAngel, Hubman38 and VeronicaASM to name a few. There were also some of my past met twitter friends, Trialsinner, Spunquee, _Ten_10, StacyCat, VerafromFYN and ADSR500 among them. And of course, two of my favorite women, Princess_Kali and HiOhMegan. I was surprised at just how many people I’d been tweeting with who were there. I was happy to spend even a little time talking to them all. And the thing that struck me about meeting the tweeps is that they’re just as wonderful in person, as they are on twitter. It makes me happy that I choose who to follow based on personality and I’m not disappointed when I finally meet them.

And finally, I want to thank Daddy. As usual, he knew what was best. As much as I missed him, I'd have missed a whole lot more had I not gone.

(Damn I hate it when he's always right!)

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