Friday, July 2, 2010

Thems A Loaded Question

“What makes you feel beautiful?”

Talk about the one sentence that bring up every last bit of teenager still hanging around.

It reminded me of a conversation I’d had a couple of months ago with a friend. She’d been going through a rough time with some body image issues, and asked me a similar question.

“What makes you feel sexy when you don’t feel sexy?”

My response to her is here:

What makes me feel sexy when I totally don't feel it? That is a hard question to answer. But you know me...I'll give it a shot :)

I've been w/ Sir for a little over a year and there's never a time with him when I don't feel sexy. Believe me, my weight, my height, my hair, my skin, my scars, all make me feel less than sexy most of the time. But what I find with Sir that I haven't felt in a long, long time, is that he sees in me what I don't see in myself. It's really hard not to feel sexy, when someone makes you feel that way.

Our relationship is a bit different, maybe because we're older, and we're compatible in so many other ways besides kink. Because I'm older, I can't do a lot of the things that I used to be able to do. Rope is a huge issue for me now with flexibility. The thing that makes me feel sexy is that he adapts to my body. He finds me, my life, my thoughts, my brain, and my body sexy.

Which isn't to say that I always believe him :)

When that happens, I do a couple of things: I try to imagine that I am beautiful. I take the time to dress for him, do my makeup, and generally give him some arm candy. But for him, his ideal arm candy isn't a slim, 20 year old. His ideal is someone who pays attention to him. I dress for him. I do whatever it takes to show him that I care for myself. And after a while, you tend to get over it and I find myself looking at my body in a whole different way.

We never have as many flaws as we think we do. The easiest way is to try to accept those flaws, and work to your strengths.

I have significant body issues because of my age and because of my scars. The thing is, that I can't change either of those. Being sexy is acting sexy, thinking sexy and being happy with the person you are, not the person who you think others would want you to be. Love is blind for a reason.

I see myself through Daddy’s eyes now. I still don’t find myself particularly attractive or sexy, but in this instance, I’m willing to believe his eyes rather than my own.

1 comment:

Stacy said...

This was a wonderful post, one that I think with which many of us should remind ourselves on a regular basis. It is hard sometimes to believe "I'm beautiful" but taking that step, to believe "he/she thinks I'm beautiful" is incredibly helpful.