Thursday, July 15, 2010

So You Wanna Follow Me?

I love to tweet. Since I don’t have an office full of people to take my mind off things for a bit, I use twitter as sort of my watercooler conversation. I have many people I’ve met in real life after tweeting to them for a while. Some have even become very good friends.

When I first started tweeting, I followed some people, and some people started following me back. At first, I’d tweet about what I was doing, and I’d ask people questions about what they were. It wasn’t my intention to start a kinky tweet stream, and I don’t choose who to follow solely because they’re kinky.

The people I tweet with are interesting. We talk about a lot of things: family, current events, entertainment, sex and sexuality, children, spouses, ex-spouses, and technology. Our tweets range from mundane to downright dirty. I’m proud that I’ve honed my tweet skills enough that I can put out a clear, concise, and relevant thought in less than 140 characters.

The people I tweet with, I consider friends. Although I haven’t met all of them in real life, I have met enough to know that I consider Twitter a bridge. It’s a way for me to learn about people, and it’s a way for them to learn about me. I’m pretty sure that if I tweeted solely about kink, that most of my friends would find it pretty boring after a while. One dimensional relationships of any kind tend to be like that. I entertain, and I like to be entertained.

Daddy and I have a way of tweeting that people find funny. We’ve been called the George and Gracie of our twitterfriends on more than one occasion. I love to laugh and quite often when reading my friends’ tweets, I need to make sure that I’m not drinking anything. My computer monitor gets covered with soda and it’s not pretty.

I use twitter to flirt with Daddy. Things I say to him, although seen by my friends, are often private jokes that have more than one meaning. I’m sure that my friends get some of the jokes, but the nature of 140 characters is that they’re never going to get all of it.

And I use twitter to talk about the things that I like. What I find important. Hobbies....if you will. A lot of my tweets concern topics related to kink, and I often tweet perverted things to see if one of my friends will pick up the topic and run with it. Some of our conversations have lasted hours and have provided me with blog fodder dozens of times.

Lately though, I’ve noticed a trend on my tweetstream that has pissed me off. People whom I don’t know have started tweeting to me in a way that can best be described as non-consensual. I’ve had DM’s sent to me calling me a little slut, I’ve had people breaking into conversations and asking me if I would like to suck THEIR cock. I’ve had insults thrown at me, and I’ve had one really idiotic guy tweet about what he’d like to do to me should I ever become “his”. I’m not talking about the guys like @saynine or @butchtastickyle. These guys get it. They know that I’m being deliberately risque in order to have fun. They’re giving it right back to me in spades. But we didn’t START with that kind of conversation. We started as normal people do. Talking about other things. We had to build upon a relationship we’d already had on twitter. On Twitter, the unwritten rule is to be a human being.

If you’re going to tweet to kinky girls (or to any girl for that matter), there’s some basics that you should know.

1. There are people on twitter who can talk about my cunt. If you are not absolutely sure that you’re one of them, you’re not one of them.

2. Don’t believe that just because I appear to be saying one thing, that I’m really talking about that. Sometimes I really am talking about my cat. If you start tweeting to me about what you'd like to do with my pussy...sometimes I'm liable to sic the SPCA on you.

3. If you think that you’re a suave, lady-killer, dominant-type and that all the little shy submissives are just dying to bow down and suck your cock (or the twitter equivalent), think again. I belong to @Septimus1812. Respect that relationship, and you'll have a better chance of being able to stick around on my tweetstream long enough to realize that he's all I want, need, and desire.

4. The easiest way to get me to block you is to be rude or crude. I don’t know you. And I find it offensive that you believe you know me from my tweets. Once you get to know me, I might consider talking about cock with you, but don’t start talking about my pussy unless you’re invited to do so.

5. Consider twitter as a conversation between people on a bus. I may be talking to @SubWonder about cocksucking, but that doesn’t give you the right to intrude on the conversation by saying that you’d like us to suck your cock. If you did this to me on that bus, my heels would put your balls so far up into your ears that you'd consider hearing aids.

6. Finally, treat tweeps as you would treat someone you’re meeting for the first time in at your mother’s birthday party. Telling me how great you are in bed, informing me that I will be “your slut”, or implying that you’re entitled to share in my conversation by virtue of having a twitter account won’t earn you any points.

7. And in fact, may actually earn you being blocked by some of the most wonderful kinky people on twitter. That, and being called a douchenozzle and talked about in a most unflattering way by nearly everyone else who has suffered the same.


Saynine said...

This is absolutely fantastic and needed to be said. I have noticed lately that there are a few Domleh types that have emulated a style in which I talk to several twitter tweeps. What they do not seem to realize is That if I refer to someone as a slut for instance I have built a report with that person and then most certainly asked in a DM if such talk is acceptable.

I think that we should use at least as much manners on Twitter as we do in real life. I am also a believer in DMing a person and asking if their relationship allows for flirting before engaging in such activity, unless that person has been very publicly flirting with me and even then I will almost always ask.

In my not so humble opinion it is no more acceptable to assume familiarity in cyberspace than in real life.

lady HotchKiss said...

YES! Everywhere we go people think they are entitled to say "whatever" and they are not!

We are all still entitled to dignity and respect; twitter doesn't change that.

Twitter (online generally) allows people to be anonymous . . . and some can be idiots! Don't take it.

Melen said...

This sort of thing has been common since the public was allowed access to the Internet. In fact, this happened even in the BBS days of old.

There's unfortunately little chance anything will change. All you can really do is block the assholes and develop a thick skin. These types of people have little to no manners on or off the net.

silverdreams said...

I generally have a pretty thick skin. Fetlife abounds with this sort of nonsense. I don't usually respond to "that guy". On twitter, it's just more "out there" and since DMs come to my phone, it gets annoying when I'm sitting at dinner and having a jackass call me "his slut" and tell me what he will do to me, or what he wants me to do to him.

There's lots of posts about "that guy" on Fetlife (see by Nellodee.

leighj said...

It's sad that this happens. I remember as a DM at a BDSM club I would often have to tell people (mostly guys) to back off or get away from scenes. Sometimes Twitter seems like public play. You can watch but don't interfere and DON'T TOUCH.

Unfortunately "that guy" guys are the norm and frustrate and ruin so many opportunities for not "that guy" guys.

Thanks for the post!

tygerbaby said...

This and a post by Gaystapo on FetLife, A Field Guide to Creepy Dom, ought to be required reading for all new Doms and WannaDoms.

Sad that it needs to be spelled out like this, but it just confirms for me that common sense isn't so common.

silverdreams said...

Here's a link to Gaystapo's Field Guide to the Creepy Dom:

Subwonder said...

I agree! I'd also like to add two of my pet peeves:

1. Inappropriate DMs. Just because I'm "kinky" on Twitter doesn't mean that I want to Cyber with you in DM. And please, don't dickroll me unless it is solicited. It's disrespectful.

2. I realize that Twitter is for everyone's entertainment - but I am not specifically for your entertainment. So, posting Tweets that are geared toward getting a reaction from me will generally be ignored. I am not obliged or "owe" a response to everyone simply because you are seeking out my attention. I interact when I want to interact where I want to interact!

Thanks for allowing me to chime in on your fantastic post. And super, double, kinky bonus points for using "Douche Nozzle" in the title!


Kyle said...

I love number 5, the bus analogy and the comparison to people creeping in on scenes in public play spaces. Lord knows I get into kinky tweeting and kinky play on twitter, but it weirds me out when someone edges into the scene without invitation. With some people, certain privileges are allowed and recognized, but if you've barely talked to me or only ever talked to my girlfriend, don't expect me to react well when you try to top me, mkay?

anyhooo.. and yes, this crap has definitely always existed online, because people who are socially retarded have always existed. I have a hard time following my own advice, but it's to ignore the pricks. And if that doesn't work, block with extreme prejudice and encourage your friends to as well.

I think it's important that we all watch out for our friends, too, so if you see a creepster edgin up on a friend, let them know.

jethro said...

I never follow many people anyway, find many convos mundane

Ice Empress said...

Very nicely said! I don't think that I could say anything that hasn't been said by you or in the comments. Kudos to you though on a great post. I'm only sorry that I had to wait all day to read it! ;-)

Tremolo said...

I just need to know when Dominance transformed to mean that the laws of etiquette don't apply anymore.

It wasn't always like this. Something... HAPPENED.