Tuesday, March 23, 2010

On the Domly’s “Most Hated” List?

I’m starting to get some less-than-fan-emails from people reading this blog. Apparently there’s lots of people who find a brat to be someone who needs to be removed completely from the scene. One has even gone so far as to tell me that there is no possible way I should even consider calling myself a submissive....or that Daddy should ever believe he’s a dominant. This person has said that bratting is always topping from the bottom, manipulative, and that any top who allows any bratting, can’t be much of a dominant.


First, let me just say that no one (even those who read this blog) knows the real time, real life, dynamic of my relationship with Septimus. We’ve talked nearly every day for over a year about some aspect of our relationship. And we’ll continue talking about it whenever EITHER of us feels the need to. The fact that our relationship doesn’t seem traditional or that I’m a person who has interests, hobbies, friends, and a life of my own, doesn’t preclude me from being his submissive. Because we don’t do things how “everyone else” thinks they should be done doesn’t make our relationship wrong. And because we don’t model our relationship on traditional "book" normatives of D/s doesn’t mean that we don’t have a D/s relationship.

Second, I am not everyone’s submissive. The truth of the matter is that I belong to Septimus. I submit to him. I don’t care if your name is SirGodLordDomlyDom and you’ve been training wayward subbies for longer than I’ve been born. To me, you’re just another guy. I’ll respect you if you respect me. If you try and “order” me to fetch you something just because I’m wearing a collar and kneeling, my response will usually be “get up off your own fat ass and get it your goddamn self”. If you try to pull a “bow to me bitch”...you’re gonna get your balls up your nose. At the very least with Daddy’s permission. At the very most, with his help. I am his submissive. And in order for me to do that, I had to be very clear about how I chose the when, where, with whom, and the form of that submission.

And finally, if you don’t agree with my opinion, that’s cool. The reason I started my blog was because I’d seen too many submissives (mostly women) struggling with the idea that they somehow couldn’t retain independence, personality, and identity within a D/s relationship. The idea of being a strong, independent woman with the idea of submission. Submission isn't subrogation, it isn’t about losing yourself. To me, it's about finding your best self.

If you don’t agree with my opinion, start your own blog and let the world know. There’s room enough for everyone’s opinions. And the more that we explore the different tones of how D/s works in real life for real people, the easier it is for those who have questions about themselves to see that there’s a thousand gazillion different ways of doing the same thing. These are my thoughts, my feelings, and my opinions, on my relationship. Take away from it what you will. And if that means that you find that you don't want a brat in your life, so be it.

But the reason why this dynamic works for Septimus and me is because we have a compatibility of goals. I brat because Daddy enjoys me....all of me. From my submission to my intelligence, to my love, and to my brattiness. From what I’ve heard, there’s a lot more people who enjoy brats than don’t. It works for us because that’s who I am. I was smart enough this time to find someone who appreciated ME and what I had to offer to a relationship....and to him. And about the only real “truth” I can tell anyone looking at my life is this: you’re never going to feel good about yourself, you’re never going to be able to really explore a D/s relationship, you’re never going to be comfortable enough to be as free and as happy as I am, if you enter into a relationship with someone whose goal is to change you.

So if you’re reading these brat posts, and haven’t read the rest of my blog, you’re only getting part of the story. And even if you’ve read the rest of my blog....you’re still only getting part of it. I live in my life. I’m comfortable with myself. I love Septimus. And I assure you, HE is always in control.

What makes you think that I get away with anything that he doesn’t allow me to?


puresecrets said...

As one who has seen you and @Septimus IRL, it was very clear he was the one in control, brat behavior or not. It was a lot of fun watching you two interact with each other. I also, am so tired of being told I'm not really a sub because i don't follow proper protocol. Now that balls to nose thingy...I could use a class on that. ;)

Tremolo said...

And as someone who absolutely loathes bratting, I can't say a brat can't be submissive. I also believe that brats should do whatever their hearts desire -- just know that I'm more into compliance play than resistance. (And I'm pretty sure I stole that line from you, too.)

Whatever works between two people supersedes whatever definitions we create, plain and simple.

Neural said...

Interesting that people think they can just step in and tell you how your relationship is supposed to work.

If you two are happy with your relationship and the dynamics involving you letting your brat side out now and then, who cares what others think. :)

Sacha said...

So far your blog is the ONLY one I've found that doesn't decry being a brat as a horrible affront to submission and dominance. I'm self-searching and newly interested in the lifestyle and based on past experiences think I might be a brat... but all the articles I read until I saw this blog have upset me a little like Did I set myself up to make people auto-hate me?

Enjoying your blog. Thank you! =)