Monday, March 8, 2010

Evidence


Photographs.

It was a lovely weekend. The weather was perfect and being outside was a wonderful way to get over some of the winter blahs I've been having. Daddy and I decided to take a walk in a local park and enjoy the day.

Of course, I brought my camera.

I don't mind having my picture taken. I don't even really mind my picture taken in a kink setting, but I defer to Daddy's need for a little circumspection about that and only take pictures of him and of us together in strictly vanilla settings. I would absolutely love to have some pictures of us taken while playing with rope, because as a participant, I can't "see" what is happening. I'd love to have a photo of his face as it changes into that adorably evil sadistic bastard...but I'll have to make do with his smiling face during an outing with those that love him.

I never look good in pictures, but after struggling to find photographs of myself over the years, I realized that I had very few of me. And even fewer of those people I love. I want to remember happy times, fun times, and silly times and one of the surest ways to do it (I think) is with photographs. And with my other hobby, photographs are kind of necessary to do it. I also think that I'm too critical of how I look physically in pictures. But then I think that in 100 years, everyone will think I look ridiculous anyway. I've seen pictures of my parents from the 70's and although they haven't changed very much, I still giggle with the long hair and weird clothing.

After I'd uploaded the pictures from the weekend onto the computer (and posted them for the world to see just how wonderful he is) he mentioned that he really didn't like to have his picture taken. But he also said he couldn't stop me. I, of course, now think that I should probably find another hobby.

But having photographs of Daddy is important to me. I look at the pictures I've taken so far (and there have really been damned few of them) and what I see evidence. Evidence of a life that Daddy and I are making with each other, evidence of the time where our love story starts, and evidence of happy and fun times that everyone needs as insurance for those times when things get difficult. I want that evidence. I want to be sitting around at some point in the future with my granddaughter and saying "see, this is when I was most happy", "this is when my life finally felt like it fit me", and most of all "this is when I loved someone so much, it hurt to not have a photograph of him with me".

The photos I take of Daddy maybe aren't the best. And I'm sure he really does think that he looks something less than perfect in them. But what I see in those photographs is the man I love. The man that I've found happiness with, and the kind of man that I want my granddaughter to know that even if it takes a really long time, is the one she should wait for.

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