Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Porn Makes Me Giggle

Day 2 of my search for dirty talk. I listen to porn.

If you've never done this, it's interesting. I was at work, so I put in my earphones and minimized the window while I did actual work. I couldn't see the action, but I could hear the music and the voices. Frankly, neither was that great. And both were so stereotypically pornish, that I started giggling.

I did had a couple of conversations yesterday about my quest to figure out this whole dirty talking thing. The first was with Daddy.

He asked me if I was watching porn. I said yes, but that I wasn't that impressed with the talking. It seemed to me that the girls were either just oohing, aahing, and yessing (hardly what I'd considering talking) or that the talk seemed like they were cheerleading their guys on (yess..baby...oooh....baby....). I told him that I really didn't think he required encouragement-he was pretty good at it already. But that if he wanted encouragement in the form of cheerleading..

He laughed and said no, that wasn't what he was looking for.

First he said that porn girls don't do very good dirty talk (NOW he tells me) but suggested that I might want to look at Bree Olson. He thought she was "pretty good at it for a porn chick".

So I checked that out when I got home last night and it too made me giggle. As I was listening to Bree (ok, this time I DID watch) while she was shoving various implements into every conceivable hole, fondling her own tits, and explaining in great detail everything she was doing, two things popped into my brain.

The first was that she must be doing porn for blind people because I could clearly SEE that she was pinching her own nipples.....but obviously I needed to be told that she WAS doing it (hence, porn is for blind people).

The second was that even she spent a whole lot of time on the mmmm'ing, ahhhhing, and ooohing. The thing that made me giggle though was that she looked bored. There was a little dirty talk, but it was mostly geared to "I'm gonna lift my skirt" and "Look, my nipples are hard".

So it was either sounds or detailed explanations for blind porn watchers. Both things made me giggle as I questioned my sanity and tried to talk myself into channeling Bree. It ain't happening.

I'm still not getting it. Daddy did give me a better clue as to what he was looking for though. I think he's seen that I'm taking this seriously and has decided to show some pity for my cluelessness. Either that or he's afraid that I'll spend my shoe budget on porn. Because as everyone knows, good porn costs money.......well, if there WAS such a thing as good porn.

But that's why I love having a Daddy.

And I still haven't gotten to the really hard part of all this yet...I still haven't found a clue about how to speak when one's mouth is full of cock and balls. My tongue is so not that kind of contortionist.

Next up: My conversation with Radagast22 and my giggles over "man meat"

2 comments:

Tremolo said...

Also, assuming you don't have that circular breathing thing down to a science, you're coming up for air every now and then.

When you do, simply tell what you've enjoyed/noticed since the last time you came up for air. The texture, the feel, how YOU feel, what you're desiring right now. Etc.

And then get back to the oral. If you do it right, you can break his brain (in a great way) as he goes from verbal to primal and back again.

Lada said...

ROFL.
I'm legally blind.
I haven't watched much porn but I'm glad to know that at least some of it comes pre-described.
Makes Porn for the Blind Wikipedia Entry seem especially dumb.