Thursday, December 10, 2009

My ABC's of a Bratty RopeBottom

I wanted to write a timely post, but since I'm pretty happy these days (well except for another helacious cold I received after snogging a beautiful switch at the Bound in Boston last weekend), and since I'm in a pretty vixenish kind of mood..I thought it would be the perfect time to alphabetize my spice rack. [private joke between me and daddy...but if you'd like to see what happened, you can read it here]

So here's my ABC's of being a bratty ropebottom. Most of these things have happened to me at one time or another. I'm working on the rest of them for the New Year :)

Always pay attention to the smallest things. Sometimes they are the ones with the most ouchiest impact.

Behave as if Daddy were always listening and watching. Sorta like that time between Thanksgiving and Christmas when you were a kid. He IS making notes.

Certainly remember to curtsy before calling Daddy an evil mean bastard...and don't forget to add "Sir".

Don't ever call Daddy an evil mean bastard when you know he's listening.

Even if you think he's not listening, calling him an evil mean bastard will likely show you just how ouchy those small things can be.

Forget what you've been taught at your own peril. If he taught you how to make his martini with gin, never ever make it with vodka unless you're looking for that evil mean bastard to come out and play.

Good little ropesluts never try to escape without it at least making it look difficult, even if you can.

Having an itch is something that you should always keep to yourself.

Itchy noses can however be fixed by snuggles, nuzzles, and pretending to faint.

Jumping up and down in rope when you have to pee isn't likely to get you to the bathroom. Ropedaddys will just remind you that you should have thought of that much sooner.

Kissing is fun...but never use the "fish kiss" the "butterfly kiss" or the "kiss my ass phrase" unless you know for sure he's not listening.

Loving his rope is not the same as loving him. However, loving him while he's practicing the same knot for the hundredth time is the best test of that love.

Maybe telling Daddy that his ouchy toys were given away to deprived ropesluts/painsluts for Christmas isn't the best way to stop his aneurysm from happening.

Nobody likes a brat all the time. However, if Daddy chooses to ignore what you're doing, then you're probably OK...for now.

Opening the toybag and asking "what's this one used for" isn't a good idea unless you know EXACTLY what it's used for.

Poking him when he's asleep to tell him that you need a spider killed makes him feel like a super hero sthpider sthlayer. Poking him while he's asleep just because you like to see him hit the ceiling isn't such a good idea.

Quiet time for Daddy does not mean that it's ok to crawl under his desk and give him a blow job. Or maybe it does. That one's daddy specific.

Running away saying "I bet you can't catch me" isn't perhaps the best choice when he brings out the paddle. You eventually HAVE to come back.

Speaking of paddles...the trick to that is to make sure that the rope covers enough of whatever body part will be paddled so that he's gotta work for it. I mean...so that you can enjoy the rope AND the paddle.

Toilet seats should never be super glued in the morning.

Using his rope to hold up your pants, tie your shoelaces, or create a plant hanger is probably not a good idea.

Very often Daddy's will bring out the rope to tease you with it. The way around this is to pretend that there's nothing you'd like LESS at the moment. However..it can backfire if he's really doing it for YOU...so use this one judiciously.

When in doubt about what you should do, looking dumb and telling him that he's a dork for not being specific enough will get the paddle and no rope. If he asks for "that thing over there" and there's fifty things there...bring him all of them as a safe bet.

Xylophones make really cool noises. However..using Daddy's tummy as one might not be so good if he's ticklish.

Yelling to Daddy from another room that "hey..did you know that your iPhone makes really cool noises if you pour something on it" will for sure give him that aneurysm that I talked about earlier.

Zealous enthusiasm, while fun, sometimes needs to be tempered with simply being enthusiastic because you're his.

I love you Daddy. Thanks for a wonderful year of laughter, learning, and love.

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