Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sometimes You Have to Remember How to Be Happy

First Wednesday of the month. Bondage club last night, but Daddy and I decided to stay home. And it was the first time I can remember when I was happy to miss seeing my friends. Not only happy, but relieved.

It’s been a tough few weeks for the both of us. Although he’s something of a minor hermit when it comes to staying at his house (and hates my bed), I think that sometimes he needs to get out of his house and get away from his own reminders. Sometimes I try to convince him to spend the night at my house...and sometimes he’s so close to my house that not to do it just doesn’t make sense.

He says that my apartment is “me”. Full of color, pattern and girly things. I think what he means is that my place has sort of an eclectic feeling, where my hobbies and personality hang out. It’s comfortable, cheerful, and interesting. Plus, you know, I always make sure I have oreos and seltzer for Daddy. He has to do nothing but that which he wants to do, and I have so many things to do that I don’t stare at the walls wondering.

Last night after work, he came over. He looked exhausted when he got there. He scarfed down a few oreos while dinner was cooking, I massaged his leg and feet, and I showed him the pumpkin pie I’d gotten for dessert. He had that Cheshire-cat smile that he has when he’s content and started to get a little relaxed. We ate dinner, and he relaxed in his chair and made a phone call while I cleaned up.

Then he brought out the rope.

Now, we’d played with rope a bit at the Grue, and we’d played at Domino’s party, and we’d spent some time working on the jiai shibari at the BRAG meeting. But over the past few months, the combination of my injury and both of our apathy towards rope had left us each not giving it much of a thought. In fact, we’d probably both thought that rope, other than for teaching, just wasn’t going to figure too heavily into our life for a while.

We probably should have remembered though, that one of the easiest ways for us to connect with each other, to lose ourselves in the rope, to be together in the moment...is with rope. For him, thinking about how to tie, the knotting, the symmetry helps take his mind off everything else if only for a little while. And for me, the really nice space that I can find now, even when half staying with him during it, makes me relaxed and lets my brain fly. And those endorphins are something I need to feel normalish. I’m too used to them now I suppose.

We played with rope for a while, trying some new things, and figuring out that I have a lot of work to do to get my arms back in shape for rope. We were away from it for far too long. Like a lot of things that end up always being really worthwhile....rope is one of those things that you have to work at to keep up with. Rope may be one of those things that needs to be continually worked at so that the body keeps up, the mind frees, and the people remember that happy is possible even when you have to work at it.

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