Monday, November 30, 2009

Ghosts of Christmas Presents

Christmas is coming up soon. And between now and then, I've got some things to think about. Daddy asked me the other day what I'd like for Christmas. I thought it was sweet that he asked. Christmas isn't his holiday.

I really hadn't expected gifts of any sort this year so I hadn't really thought about it much. I've usually taken more pleasure in watching others open the gifts I bought for them. I have fun choosing things that I know they'll like, things they've mentioned in passing when they thought I wasn't paying attention. I have fun wrapping and keeping a little secret to myself for a few weeks.

I think my favorite part of Christmas was always my stocking. I loved waking up on Christmas morning, drinking my coffee sitting in the light of the tree, and finding things that didn't cost very much, but were always useful. Nailpolish, socks, a pair of earrings, my favorite candy, some new pens or markers or some hair combs or barrettes. Just the kind of stuff that I use all year long and always seem to run short of or lose somehow. It was always fun opening a pez or chomping down on a pack of bubble gum. Yeah, I know. Lame.

But when Daddy mentioned it to me, it started me thinking about what I'd really like. Over the past couple of days, I'd remembered him joking about my needing a microwave. But that's kind of ridiculous just for cooking popcorn. I've lived without one for a while and I can truly say that I don't miss it.

I'd thought about shoes (of course) and realized that I'm very picky when it comes to my heels. Jewelry? I've got more than I could wear in a year now and I hardly ever wear more than a few different favorite pieces as it is. Hobby stuff? I've got so many paints, brushes, and assorted hobby items that it's getting difficult to find places to store them. I don't "collect" things anymore. I don't have time to read much, and I was fast running out of ideas.

So I sat down and made a list. It's my "fantasy" list for things I'd really love to have in my life. It started off with the usual: a ferrari, a trip to London, my own shoe store. And after I'd gone down that road, I really started to think about what I'd like this year.

I'd like more time to be with those I love (especially daddy). I'd like to be able to take away some of his worries so that we can have time together free from stress. I'd like to be able to sleep when he's not with me. I'd like to feel something other than sad. I'd like to make everyone that I know have one day where everything works exactly perfect. Just so that they can see how that feels.

Unfortunately, most of those are also on the "fantasy" list.

And then I really thought about what would make me happiest this year. It's something that I really hadn't thought about in a while. But it's also something that I think will also remain on the fantasy list for a while. We've got some talking to do before that becomes a reality.

In any case, the thing that makes me happiest is Daddy. That's all I want for Christmas this year. So I think actually, I've already received my present. And that's more than I'd ever fantasized about last year.

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