Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Friends Can Say the Darndest Things

A friend of mine sent me a message this morning. Since he is a friend, and since I was in a very good mood after spending the night sleeping cuddled next to daddy, I tried to answer him in 140 characters or less. The questions he asked made me smile, and since my answers were less than full given the nature of twitter, I thought I’d take the opportunity here to give my view on the subject.

And as you might have guessed, that subject is Daddy/lilgirl relationships.

I’m not sure why this friend came to me to help him with this subject. I’d like to think it’s because he saw something that spoke to him when seeing Daddy and me together this past weekend. It could also be that I make no secret of the fact that Sir IS my daddy. I call him daddy when we’re together and, except for this morning when he called me something that brought a smile to my face and will probably keep me laughing for months, he usually calls me either princess or babydoll.

But since my friend did come to me, here’s my answer to his question about what defines the difference between a Sir/Master/whatever and a daddy. I hope this helps him.

To me, there is no difference. They are all names for the dominant in a D/s relationship. For every permutation of relationship, there are words that we use to define the other person...and in doing so...also define ourselves and our position within it. I personally use Sir and Daddy most of the time. Sir for when he’s being the lovely sadist that makes me fly....and Daddy when he’s being the wonderful man who is always there for me when I need him. He pinches, whips, flogs, mindfucks, and drives me as Sir. He snuggles, laughs and shares his feelings with me when as Daddy. Both can act silly, both can be strict, and both take a delight in proving that, although I may think I’m the center of the universe....he’s the one that has the universe in the palm of his hand.

I told my friend that the differences aren’t that obvious. Mostly it’s a way of relating to each other that creates a daddy. I think it’s a connection, a caring, a way of him saying that he wants me to experience HIM. He finds a happiness in my pleasure, my accomplishments, and my needs because he is the catalyst for my pleasure, I accomplish more because I want to make him proud, and he has become my need. Which isn’t to say that Doms or Sirs don’t like those things...but after having lived for the last several months within this kind of relationship...it seems to me that Sirs like to create an atmosphere where they’re powerful over their submissive. Daddys like to create an atmosphere where they’re all-encompassing within her life.

A personal example of the difference that might be easiest to explain is that Sir wouldn’t think twice about waking me up at 3:00 am, shoving my face into his cock, getting a blow job and then rolling over and going back to sleep. I like that sometimes. I like that feeling of being his, being used for his pleasure and being the one he turns to fulfill his needs.

Daddy on the other hand, wouldn’t dream of waking me up at 3:00 am for anything except a snuggle and kiss to let me know he’s there. He knows that I need my sleep if I’m to function in the world the next day. And although I’d really love to give him that blow job just then....Daddy balances his needs with my own.

My friend wanted to know if it was possible to be a Daddy and not end up with a long term relationship. He said that he worried that his partners were getting more attached to him than he was to them. He said also that he had a hard time maintaining boundaries.

While I think that this kind of relationship is very possible, and would work out very well if those involved understood that the caring, nurturing aspects of a Daddy were situation specific, without being able to maintain boundaries, things get fuzzy.

Being a daddy in general looks a lot like just having a really nice, caring, attentive, boyfriend around. One who likes to have fun, laugh, experiment, and explore. One who takes joy in their partner. Daddys look a lot like those guys who give everything to their partner without expecting much in return. It would be really easy for a lilgirl to take advantage of a Daddy’s benevolence and kindness. This is why boundaries need to be established and maintained. If you’ve ever seen an out of control, spoiled, petulant, bratty child, you’d have no problem understanding why boundaries are necessary. A little girl may not like them...but without them it’s like you’ve sent a very open, loving, and free child out into the world without giving them a place to retreat. Discipline is not an anathema of a Daddy. Rules, structure and discipline are necessary so that you don’t end up with a spoiled brat of a partner.

Sir has the power to look at me and make me weak in the knees. He only says one word and I’m kneeling at his feet, with my face ready to be slapped, my ass in the air for a belt, or my neck on the floor under his shoe. He rules my world.

Daddy has the power to let me look at him and know that he cherishes not just my submission...but all of me. And only a daddy can look at me and make me feel as if I could rule the world....but doing it while he’s holding my hand.

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