Thursday, September 17, 2009

I Have the Oddest Feeling I've Never Done This Before

Daddy and I had a fun night last night. We met a couple of our twitter friends for dinner. One, we'd known for a while, while the other was one we'd both had fun tweeting with. The restaurant was kinda cool but Singlegal is right...what's not to love about dancing bacon?

After Daddy and I got home, we played for a while. Rope, crops and canes were taken out and put to darned good use. He's figured out a way to have me desire and crave those things which I'd never been a fan of before this. Interesting how a little knowledge, in the right hands, can be used for such deliciously evil things.

When I left this morning, I had the oddest feeling hit me about 1/2 way home. Usually by that time, I'm a bundle of nerves, jittery, and dropping pretty quickly, but this morning was different. I'm not sure what's changed, but this morning when I saw that usual place on the highway that normally signals my brain to start missing Daddy again...I felt instead a calmness come over me.

It was the first time I didn't feel completely wasted leaving Daddy. I was the first time I felt as if I were sure about things and about myself. I smiled and thought...finally! This is the feeling that I'd been waiting almost eight months to feel after leaving him. This is the feeling that I'd wondered if I'd everhave again. I was smiling and if I could whistle I'd have probably done that.

The feeling I'd had was something that he'd said to me often enough, but it wasn't something that I was 100% sure I'd felt. As all the thoughts came to me...about how comfortable I am with him, how much I care for him, love him, and desire I really felt the thing that he'd been feeling. It gave me a confidence, a peacefulness, and a new way of opening myself to him.

And the thing I felt? I finally felt this morning...without any prompting, considering, thinking or wondering....was that I am really his "mine".

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