Wednesday, August 19, 2009

On Collars and Being a Part-Timer

Sir and I had a discussion the other night while at dinner. The gist of it ended up with him asking me if I felt like I was his part time girlfriend. Before I thought about an answer, I just said yes. I wasn't really sure why I'd said that, I just said whatever popped into my head at the time.

After thinking about this for a bit, I think that collars and the part-time feeling may actually be related. I didn't know why I'd felt like that, I couldn't explain it when it came out...I'd just felt it that way.

So I did what I usually do, I wrote Sir a letter and told him what was on my mind. I also had a few questions for him....and somehow I think I'm going to be waiting a long time for any clarity on those.

But suffice to say that I no longer view collars in the same way that I once did. A collar went from being a symbol of the relationship that I had with J, to a symbol of the heartbreak that I found when it ended. It now is something that I hope to wear again someday....but also something that I realize probably isn't going to happen with Sir.

And I'm not sure if that makes me sad or just apathetic.

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