I love rope.
But my fondness for that particular toy has always been from having that wonderful feeling of being wrapped in that hug, feeling the lengths of rope being pulled, twisted, knotted, and tightened...the wonderful high I experienced during the dance, and the experience of using something so textural and artistic during play.
I'd tried to tie before, but my heart was never really into it. I'd focused inwardly on the rope and instead of trying to see the beauty from the other side, I'd felt confused and angry that something I loved so much turned into something I had a hard time caring about. I didn't want to lead the dance. I also wanted "something more". Something I found with Sir. And I've been quite happy enjoying that dance with him. And look forward to so many more of them.
But lately, I've been wondering more about rope.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm in a relationship with someone who is really good at it. And, some of it has to do with the fact that I'm quite often bored to tears standing around watching others, when he can't be with me. I'm also pretty sure Shibaricon had something to do with it.
I'd toyed with the idea of actually really learning to tie and the more I thought about it, the more I wondered how it would feel to be the one tying.
I talked with my sweetheart about my interests. I'd talked to friends about it, and I talked to one special woman about whether or not she'd consider being my practice bunny. My sweetheart is supportive and my friends are, I think, curious to see what happens. Everyone has been see-sawing between wondering if I can do it, and wondering why I would. Even I was wondering those exact things.
Last Saturday night, I attended a party with friends. Sir couldn't be there though and I was faced with another night of texting him from the party and missing him too much. I thought I'd try my hand at tying. Nothing like going into something feet first.
NorthernBelle consented to be my first victim. As I tied her, something very important occurred to me. I'd never actually witnessed the back of a karada being done! I can't tell you how silly I felt...thinking I could do something I'd only watched others do, and then only from the front. But I heard something in my head say, "there's no such thing as wrong, just different". I carried on and didn't do too badly of a job. Belle was nice and we had fun.
But afterwards, I told someone about my confusion with the back of the karada, and after a few seconds of mild teasing, he showed me how to do it better. It was nice learning how to do that.
Later on, someone else showed me how to do a hair tie. I am confident that I could do that one now.
Later that night, when I was telling Sir about my night, he'd asked me how tying made me feel. I had to think for a minute and finally had to admit that I wasn't sure yet. It was fun, it was interesting, and it kept me from being too bored at a party without him. But I'm still not sure if I can ever find the same feelings I love from the other side of the rope.
But, I'm still going to learn, to prove to myself I can do this. I also agree that knowing how to tie, may also make me a better ropebottom. One can hope anyway :)
And, to all the local ropesters that will now have their brains picked to death by a curious ropeflower trying to find her way on the other side of the strings....thank you for your patience!