Sunday, March 15, 2009

What the Fuck is a Daddy?

Squicky. That’s the only word that I could think of.

But, Sir has mentioned this word to me a few times. Daddy dom. And, as I’ve found out...he doesn’t say things he hasn’t done some thinking about. But what really fucked me up was waking up like that. Three a.m. again. Of course. At least I woke up sort of giggling...that’s a vast improvement.

And the bonus was that I wasn’t crying in the closet.

Daddy doms. Not a whole lot of information out there and what I found was mostly all kinds of esoteric epitomes and unreachable fantasy-type dreams. I’m getting the feeling that this is kind of like that CrossDressing of Furry thing...not being the most welcomed even in the kink world. Hiding this part of yourself. I’d like to ask someone why, but I think I’m just going to not go there. Who would I ask anyway?

Of course. Mr. Google. And then...Sir.

Oddly, after talking with him. I’m seeing what was pretty obvious. Note to self- spend some more time on finding out these new words. Another note to self- don’t bother.

He is a juxtaposition. Hard yet soft. Sadistic yet gentle. I see a lot of what those sites were talking about. Teaching, guiding...and he said himself...all of those things that make him feel good about being a man...but now that I think about it...all of those things that make me feel good about being his woman.

But what’s even more interesting is that I think...and I can’t be 100% sure about this by any means...but I think...this is part of what I’ve been searching for and haven’t found. Most people have this naturally, but not many have just accepted it in themselves I don’t think. But maybe that’s why things haven’t just ever really worked out for me since J. He had a lot of this in him too. Mentor, teacher, friend. He was all those too. But with Sir, its just something more. Comforting, encouraging, guiding. Lots more ings...

Plus, you know really...I do like him calling me babydoll and princess. And he does feel like a daddy sometimes. I like that too.

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