We started playing lightly- some tickling, a few spanks, he saw the bruises on my ass from Sunday- I can’t tell what he thought about them, they are very deep bruises but nothing too bad. Gave each other foot massages, I massaged his back, and things just sort of happened from there. He was a little ticked about the nylons, a little ticked about my tickling, he seemed kind of cranky... and I was getting the idea that this was kind of something that wasn’t going to be really too good for me.
How did that make me feel? I was wary again. Still hurting from the remarks at the restaurant. disappointment that I didn’t anticipate him better, nostalgia and loss for Jon and Gerry. stupid for crying because of the hurt... and stupid that he felt he’d had to keep reminding me about the nylons. tired from lack of sleep. Ok. that’s what I was feeling.
But after we’d kind of wound down, as we were snuggling...I fell asleep while
scratching him. Not asleep all the way...but just at that point where reality
meets dream....and I’m neither awake...nor fully asleep. That place- yes
that one...floating in and out....that place where those things happen.