Thursday, March 19, 2009

And It Broke My Heart

I tried to not let it, especially since he said that he was joking. But- I’m not getting this whole thing. He asks for me to tell him, wants me to be clarity-filled
at all times, loves me, yet when I tell him that his toy is suffering what may not be the intended consequences of his ownership...I get that look and that tone that tells me that he’s joking...but then....not so much either.

I’m really not trying to tell him what or what not to do. Its still his decision whether or not he does or doesn’t do something. But he should have the information I may have to make it. I’m thinking this isn’t something he’s quite used to either. When did I lose myself? When did I give him that right? I’m not sure I remember that particular negotiation. Might be time to rethink that one.

But anyway, after that, my mood wasn’t quite the same. I’d been hurt....my heart hurt. I’d done something wrong and added to the stress of disappointing him on Monday, the conversations with Jon and Gerry on Tuesday, the stresses of everything else- apartments, Merry, the sheer exhaustion of my life at the moment...I should have just asked to go home.

But I just couldn’t bear looking at his disappointment again tonight though.

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