Thursday, February 12, 2009

Do Lists Ever Really Mean Shit?

Well I’ve done it. I just had to go and listen to that little devil in my ear...you know you stupid bitch...that one. Yes. That one that J put there...you know what I’m talking about.

I gave Sir my list tonight. Why is it that I still listen to J? After all this time, why do I still think he even knows me anymore? But, try as I might, all those lessons...all those promises...I still can’t stop those.

Interesting letter I got back though. He told me about his previous sub. Now that’s a strange thing. What collar? Invisible strings meant to hold something that wasn’t yours to begin with? I don’t get it. I don’t think I can explain it either. What he must think of me. Wondering just what the fuck I mean when I say things. But then, sometimes I do the same.

But collars...oh dear jesus...that freaking scares the shit out of me. I really hope that this is not going there. But then again...do I?

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